What Kind of Machine Did We Buy?

            BANG! The instruction booklet says our new washing machine would make noises we'd never heard with our old machine. I thought Lee Harvey Oswald was in the house sniping from our living room window.  I was expecting different noises but gunshots wasn't one of them.  Apparently the self locking lid sounds like that when it locks and in a quiet apartment it sounded worse than it was.  The police didn't appear at my door nor did the neighbours come to see what the ruckus was all about so I let the machine continue doing it's thing.

            Rowf rowf rowf rowf rowf then mmmrh mmmrh mmmrh mmmhr, hugga chugga tweet tweet hugga chugga tweet tweet hugga chugga tweet tweet.  This is normal?  I was sure there was something wrong with the machine.  My wife was at work and she was no help.  When I phoned to tell her that our new washing machine had a vocabulary all its own and could do dog and bird imitations she laughed hysterically.  Sure, I'm the one here alone with the machine from Hell.  What kind of a foreign product did we buy?  All we wanted was a washing machine that would wash clothes not frighten the neighbours and set off our burglar alarms.

            There were groans like the machine was in ecstasy and then there were heavy sighs in the midst of it all.  Wheee ahhhh, wheeee ahhhh, wheeee ahhhh!  I waited for the next sound.  I didn't have to wait long.

            The water discharged out of the tub and down the drain but it sounded differently, too.  I ran for the flashlight to peer over the top and shine the light down the back to see if the hose was flooding the floor.  No, things were okay there.  Then it stopped and the rinse cycle started.  Water gushed in and sounded like it was hitting the floor.  Back with the flashlight to check out that noise and feel for water under the machine.  None, thank God!  Then there was a pause before the spin cycle started.  "Pilot to co-pilot, start right jet engine!"  With a low whine that built to a loud jet spinning turbine sound I expected to see flight attendants in my living room pointing out the exit doors fore and aft.  It brought back memories of my first flight on the Transair YS-11 jets out of Thompson.  I grabbed the machine, half expecting it to walk itself into our living room with the tremendously fast spinning it was going through but it was solid as a rock.  Relief!  The neighbours downstairs hadn't banged on their ceiling so either they weren't home or they're deaf.

            And then it stopped.  The cycles were done.  All was quiet until Lee Harvey Oswald showed up again and BANG another shot fired.  The lid was unlocked and the light panel went dark.  Wow, that only took forty minutes of worry, aggravation, fear and constant checking with my flashlight.  The clothes were washed and I was exhausted.  Paranoia takes a lot out of a person.  It was time for a Scotch! 

            I washed a second load of clothes.  Oswald had now downsized to a pistol and the dog and the birds had disappeared.  The chugga chugga chugga was still there during the wash cycle  but definitely not as loud as the very first time.  The jet engine still starts up on the spin cycle but it's bearable.  This is 2012, I shouldn't complain.  It beats using a washboard and big square galvanized wash tubs.

Footnote: My mother taught me how to do laundry when I was at home and I can swing a bottle of bleach with the best of them.  When it sounds like the water is draining on the floor or the machine is going to run around the apartment chasing me while it does its jet engine imitations then I worry.  So far the machine works well and the noises have downsized to the equivalency of our bread maker.  I'm just thankful I don't have to carry any more loads of laundry to Hop Sing's laundry in St. Vital.

It Could Have Been a Lot Worse

           Honestly, some days I should just stay in bed!  I had no intention of going out since it was cold and I really didn’t need to do any errands.  They could wait another day or two.  Retired life means no schedules but by noon I was beginning to feel cooped up and figured I’d get some fresh air by getting some things that had been on our grocery list for the past several days. 

           I stopped into look at several stores down the street and then across to Kenaston to my favourite grocery store.  It was going to be something different for supper besides chicken.  We always have chicken.  With the groceries packed in the trunk so they wouldn’t slide around when I made turns I decided to take the long way home.  It was cold and crisp and sunny and the afternoon traffic was light so I decided to take the scenic route.

           I stepped on the brakes as I approached the intersection's stop sign. 
This is where it all gets blurry.  The car seemed to take on a mind all its own.  I knew for sure I didn’t have any control at that point.  The world seemed to be going around in circles.  Oh wait, it was the car going in circles as I spun out of control.  It’s amazing how slow life travels as you sit behind the wheel of a spinning car watching helplessly as you take a nose dive into the snowbank on the opposite curb facing the direction in which you’d come.  As the car spun, rode up on the curb and plowed through the snow like a driverless bulldozer I noticed the huge elm tree coming up to greet my passenger door.  Funny what your mind thinks as you see the tree and wait for the unsettling crunch of tree into door metal.  I waited but it never came.  The car stopped less than a foot from the tree trunk.  There I sat hung up on a mountain of snow.

            Who carries a shovel when you drive in the city?  Not me!  I got out to look at the damage and to determine if there was any hope of getting myself out without calling the Motor League to tow me back down Mount Everest.  Not a chance!  The passenger side was up to the door handles in deep snow and the front end was hardly visible.  When the Motor League towed me out the driver and I picked up pieces of frozen plastic and fibre glass from all over the snow bank.  “I guess there’s not much chance these aren't mine?” I asked.  “Not much chance,” laughed the driver.  Sure, he could laugh!  It was then he noticed my flat front tire.  It flattened when I hit the curb which meant clean out the trunk to drag out the spare tire.  The groceries had scattered all over the trunk.

             Fortunately a little spin on the ice didn’t hurt anyone.  Though there weren’t any other cars around it ended up costing me over $1600.  Manitoba Public Insurance considers it a single vehicle accident to which they add $200 onto my driver’s licence next year.  Guess what arrived by mail the very next day?  My car insurance renewal arrived telling me; ironically, I’m in the top percentile for safe driving since I haven’t had an accident in the past fourteen years.  I guess I shouldn’t complain.  Nobody was hurt, the car can be repaired and nobody had to chop down an elm tree.

Footnote:  This actually happened two years ago in February 2010.  I didn't want to repair my car until the winter was over in fear of having another accident.  You know how you get paranoid after an accident.  So I drove the car like this until March of 2011.  I figured if one winter without any further accidents was good, two should be better.  If it gets me from point A to point B without the bumper falling off or the grill shaking lose, then, what more do I need?

Questo ristorante e meraviglioso!

    [Ha avuto luogo in quattro anni da quando abbiamo avuti pranzo a Restaureant ed al salotto del Bellissimo. La decorazione è cambiato e la disposizione dei posti a sedere è stato riorganizzato ma thankfully, l'alimento è rimasto stessa alta qualità che ci ricordiamo di dagli anni fa.]

     It's been over four years since we had dinner at Bellissimo's Restaurant and Lounge.  The decor has changed and the seating has been rearranged but thankfully, the food has remained the same high quality we remember from years ago. 

     Saturday night our Ethnic Dinner group returned to Bellissimos for an Italian dinner experience.  We were not disappointed.  Two of the three couples had never been there before so it was truly an experience for them.  The waitress who seated us and looked after us for the evening was excellent.  The service was high quality.  One other waitress kept returning to fill our water glasses almost as soon as we took a sip and we got to joking with her.  Both servers were friendly, outgoing and a pleasure to have looking after us. 

     The meal started off with fresh warm rolls and two trays of dipping sauce which didn't last long at our table.  This was followed by some of our friends having the potato soup and others having the Caesar salad.  Of the two who had the potato soup one liked it very much while the other wasn't as keen on it.  It wasn't the true potato soup we are accustomed to but rather a thick sweet potato with a touch of squash added to it.  It came steaming hot and it looked delicious.  I had chosen the Caesar salad.  Whomever made the Caesar salad must have miscounted when they were adding crushed garlic to the bowl because there was enough garlic to make our eyes water and our noses run.  It really jolted the palate on first bite and proceeded to get stronger the more salad we ate.  I love Caesar salad but I don't like the garlic to overpower everything else nor do I like the anchovie taste to be too prominent.  Between the garlic and the fish taste it was hard to get the flavours of the greens.  It was not my favourie salad tonight.

     Everyone ordered something different, from Veal Parmagiana, to Gnocchi, to Veal medallions, and cannelonni etc.  Everyone was extremely pleased with their meal and with the portions.  All the meals came steaming hot on hot (not warm) plates and the portions were large enough that I couldn't even finish mine and that's a rare occurence.  Exceptional food!

     The servers were prompt, courteous and helpful with any questions we had.  The meals were of the highest quality and the portions were very generous.  The Caesar salads were the downfall of this restaurant.  We even mentioned their overpowering garlic to the waitress and she said she'd mention it to the chef.  Mention it or not, we all finished our salads regardless.  Did we have a right to complain then? 

     For Caesar salad, rolls, a glass of chardonnay house wine and veal parmagiana for myself, house salad, rolls, a glass of white house wine and gnocci with marinara sauce for my wife plus our tip the meal came to $80.00.  I would give Bellissimo's (#1-877 Waverley Street Phone:  204-489-0495) a rating of 4.5 stars.  Tone down the garlic and the anchovies and everything will be right with the world.

Bring It On!

      Horoscopes are published in the Free Press everyday but I never read them. I don't have much faith in someone telling me and a million others what my life will be like for that day. How can someone foresee all that? Then along comes the year-end edition of the Free Press horoscopes published for the entire year and I read mine diligently all the way through. Does that make any sense?

      I'm a Sagittarius and for some unknown reason the year-end horoscopes just hook me. Maybe it's because I want to know what someone thinks will happen to me and then I have a benchmark when the year is finished to know whether the horoscope was actually close or not. Or maybe it's a once-a-year hope that just maybe everything in my life will go smoothly for a change.

      Granted, horoscopes are very generic. Of course it's going to say I'm philosophical, a teacher, someone who likes to give of oneself and likes to travel. That's all true. It also said I often work with animals in my job. Well, that's so far from the truth it's laughable. It said that around 2000 to 2001 partnerships and love interests were tested and not all passed the test. Yes, I'd dated for several months prior to meeting my current wife and unbeknownst to me my children didn't like the woman. When I announced we had broken up my family celebrated. Oh, I thought she was the one but nobody said anything to old Dad! Thankfully, I gained back their respect when I met and married Judy, who they love and adore. 

      This is the best time in my life for love affairs, romance and flirtatious escapes or so my horoscope read. Oh yeah? This will be quite a problem especially since I'm happily married and have no idea even how to be flirtatious. As for a love affair, I have all I can handle right now, thank you very much.

      Sagittarians born in November might experience surprise pregnancies. Thank God, I'm a December Sagittarian is all I can say. I guess that's what can happen if I give in to testing romance, love affairs and the flirtatious escapes. The paper also said I'll get a better job this year. That's interesting since I don't have one now unless you count volunteering. It also said I will get a substantial pay raise. That sounds great but as a volunteer they can give me a 125% pay raise but 125% of nothing is still nothing. It also said by the end of the year a relationship with someone older, richer and more experienced will benefit me. Damn, there's that relationship thread again! I guess I better start flirting afterall and start looking forward to having an affair with someone older and richer. Can someone introduce me to Doris Day since my chances with Elizabeth Taylor have pretty much turned to dust?

       Finally, my horoscope said by 2019 I'll be attracting important people and opportunities. I'll be seventy-one by then and how much attracting am I going to want to do? As it stands right now the only ones I'm attracting are salesmen wanting to sell me future placement in retirement homes and prepaid plots in cemeteries. So, be it as it may, I figure 2012 is going to be a year of living an adventurous life, keeping in touch with my family and friends while having a little romance and an affair or two on the side. Bring it on! Bring it on!

Footnote:  I realize horocopes are all there just to give us food for thought.  Food for thought is the best kind of food because at this time of year we all know we need to cut back on calories. 

My Choice for the Top Ten News Stories of 2011

     Each year at this time I like to put together my top ten news events of the past year. Take time to look at my selection and add a comment or E-mail me (grobb1@shaw.ca) with ideas of your own. What did I miss out that you think was important or what did I include that you thought was insignificant? I did not put my list in order of any importance but here's my list... agree or disagree?

1.   Japan Earthquake and Tsunami 
 A 9.0 magnitude undersea earthquake occurred on March 11, 2011 in the Pacific Ocean causing much damage through a tsunami that struck the island of Honshu Japan. 
2.   The Royal Wedding

Prince William, Duke of Cambridge, married Catherine Middleton on April 29, 2011 at Westminster Abbey in London, England.  William is the eldest son of Pricne Charles and the late Princess Diana.  The wedding was followed by their first Royal Tour as a married couple in July to Canada.

3.   Osama Bin Laden Killed

Osama bin Laden, mastermind behnd the attacks on the USA Embassy in 1998 and on the World Trade Centre and the Pentagon on  September 11, 2001.  Bin Laden was listed as number one on the World's Most Wanted Terrorist list with a $25 million bounty posted on him by the FBI.  On May 2, 2011 Bin Laden was shot and killed by USA Navy Seals inside his private residential compound in Abbotabad, Pakistan. On May 6 after acknowledging his death, Al Qaeda promised to retaliate.

4.   Libya Uprising and death of Muammar Ghadafi

On 17 February 2011, major political protests began in Libya against Gaddafi's government. During the following week these protests gained significant momentum and size, despite stiff resistance from the Gaddafi government. By late February the country appeared to be rapidly descending into chaos, and the government lost control of most of Eastern Libya. Gaddafi fought back, accusing the rebels of being "drugged" and linked to al-Qaeda. The uprising led to the death of Libyan leader Muammar Ghadafi.

5.   Royal Visit to Canada

The 2011 royal tour of Canada by Prince William, Duke of Cambridge and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge took place beween June 30 and July 8, 2011.  They toured Ottawa, Charlottetown, Quebec, Calgary and Northern Canada with an unexpected stop at Slave Lake to meet with survivors of the wildfire that destroyed a third of their town.

 6.   Arab Spring:  Egyptian  President Hosni Mubarak Resigns

The Arab Spring otherwise known as the Arab Awakening actually began on December 10, 2010 but culminated in the spring of 2011 with the resignation of Egyptian President Mubarak. Many demonstrations met violent responses from authorities as well as from pro-government militias and counter-demonstrators.

7.   76 People Killed In Terrorist Attacks in Norway

The 2011 Norway attacks were two sequential terrorist attacks against the government, the civilian population and a summer camp in Norway on 22 July 2011.  A car bomb explosion in Oslo, Norway killed eight people and wounded many others.  The second attack less than two hours later at a summer camp on the island of Utoya where a gunman open fired on a crowd of campers and killed 69 people.  Anders Behring Breivik, a 32 year old Norwegian extremist was charged with both attacks.

8.   Death of Jack Layton

John Gilbert "Jack" Layton, (July 18, 1950 – August 22, 2011) leader of the New Democratic Party and official opposition leader in the Canadian government from 2003 to 2011 died of cancer.  In the 2011 election, Layton led the NDP to the most successful result in the party's history.  It is ironic that Layton would gain all this success and then not live long enough to enjoy the fruits of his hard work.  He was given a State Funeral in Ottawa and Toronto.

9.   The Seriousness of the Economy in Europe

From late 2009, fears of the sovereign debt crisis developed amonst European countries, Italy, Greece and Spain to be specific.  The financial crisis actually began in the U.S. and in countries that imitated the problematic lending practices of the U.S., such as Iceland and Ireland. The two phenomena have become linked because many European banks held assets in financially troubled American banks, and because the need to bail out troubled banks has worsened the budget deficit for governments. This whole crisis will likely plague Europe and most of the financial world, including Canada, well into 2012.

10.  Vancouver Riots After the Stanley Cup Finals

The 2011 Vancouver Stanley Cup riot was a public disturbance that broke out in downtown Vancouver on Wednesday, June 15, 2011 immediately after the seventh game of the NHL Stanley Cup Championship game where Boston won over Vancouver.

At least 140 people were reported as injured during the incident, one critically; at least four people were stabbed, nine police officers were injured, and 101 people were arrested that night, with 16 further arrests following the event.  Further arrests were still being made at the end of 2011.

And Of Course - One Extra Important Event for Hockey Lovers:

The event that probably surpassed all other news events of 2011 for those living in Winnipeg was the return of the Winnipeg Jets to the NHL.  As early at October 2009 rumours were flying that Winnipeg was purchasing the Atlanta Thrashers and moving them to Winnipeg.  By May 28, 2011 multiple reports had confirmed the deal to purchase and move the Thrashers to Winnipeg was a done deal and all that was left was to officially annound the relocation.  On May 31, 2011, Gary Bettman, NHL Commissioner confirmed the Atlantic Thrashers had been purchased by True North and would relocate to Winnipeg for the 2011-2012 season.  The city went wild and we were back in the big leagues.  The Winnipeg Jets have returned and we are happy and proud to have them back!

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Renos - Don't Do It!

            If anyone mentions the word renovations to me I've got three words for them.  "Don't do it!"  We'd been in the midst of renovations since the first week of April and I couldn't see the end of the tunnel.  Hell, I couldn't see to the end of the living room.  My wife packed up the things in the kitchen and moved them into our living room out of the way so the contractor could tear down two walls and give us an open concept kitchen.  The living room was stacked with boxes half way to the ceiling.  Each box was packed so well we could have shipped the entire bunch of them to Afghanistan without any breakage.  We had all our living room furniture stacked, our lamps covered and moved and our furniture was covered with drawers of silverware, pots and pans, dishes and plastic containers I didn't even know we had. 

            For months step ladders leaned against walls, plastic covered the lamps, tool boxes were everywhere, spare boards and samples of tiles, displaced plants, end tables on top of end tables, large wall pictures covered in plastic and stored against walls added to the mess.  Meanwhile, the central vacuum hose coiled its way through the living area like a python laying in wait for its unsuspecting prey.  For most of the time the renovation was ongoing there was only one path from the front door through the dining room and living room to our sunroom.  We spent most of our time in the sunroom where there was actually sitting space away from the upheaval, congestion and dust of construction.  The plumber, the electrician, the countertop installers, the tilers, all first time visitors to our home asked if we'd just moved in.  On telling them we'd lived here for four years the look on their faces all changed the same way as if they were thinking, "My God, these people are hoarders!  I've only seen conditions like this on television!"

            While the cabinets were being replaced and we were waiting for the countertops to arrive we were without water in the kitchen for five weeks.  I thought I was going to lose it and at times I did.  Several times my wife told me to take a trip.  "Go away for five or six weeks and things will be changed when you get back."  The idea was tempting but I didn't go.  The workmen needed me to supervise and help out.  Who would bring them coffee while they slaved over hanging the pantry door or installed the new flooring?

            While the light at the end of the tunnel grew a little brighter we had all our windows replaced so that added to the "hoarders" turmoil by displacing all the furniture in the sunroom.  Once the windows were installed the trim needed painting.  The walls looked bad so they needed painting and on to order new blinds.  Now there was nowhere to sit in the sunroom either.  That long trip was beginning to look better and better.  Watching the sunroom television over boxes from fifty feet away while sitting at the dining room table was problematic. 

            Finally the renovations were finished and we slowly got our life back to some semblance of order.  Occasionally my wife still urges me to take a long holiday but she'd kill me if I booked passage on a slow boat to China.  I just need to chill out and relax by reading under that light I discovered at the end of the tunnel.

Footnote:  It's been a strain on everyone, my wife (with my constant bitching and complaining about the mess), myself (with the length of time it took my wife to make decisions on countertops, backsplash, flooring, cupboard colour), the contractor (having to redo the ceiling because the potlights didn't meet our expectations and our little changes in plans along the way) and on the neighbours (for the noise and the urge from their wives to begin renovations in their own condo units).  I would move first before I ever did anything this major again.  My wife is already talking about major bathroom renovations and I've already been to the travel agent to see if there is some guru in the Himalayans that I can go to visit for six weeks who will help me understand a woman's need to renovate.  [The pictures are before, during and after my mental breakdown.]

We Finally Killed Happy Birthday

            Birthdays have a way of sneaking up on us.  As each birthday arrives most people typically celebrate the same way.  Our custom, like most families, is to have cake, candles and ice cream.  We dim the lights and bring forth the decorated cake alight with enough candles to set off the sprinkler and alarm systems while we sing the old familiar Happy Birthday always too slowly and usually off key.  The honoured guest takes a minute to make a wish then blows out the candles.  That’s what we’ve done for a million years and everyone, whether turning nine or ninety, knows the routine. 

            Last summer while we were in Dauphin we discovered a store that sold a new special kind of birthday candle.  The candles were reasonably priced so we bought half a dozen for future parties.  In November, our granddaughter turned six so this was the perfect time to use one of them.

            The candle is shaped like a large yellow flower with its petals all curled inward to the centre.  A wax plug in the centre needs to be lit with a long handled match since the directions warn to stand well back when lighting this candle.  Flames from this wax plug in the centre shoot up into the air about two feet like a Roman candle.  Suddenly amidst all the smoke the inwardly turned plastic petals automatically unfold to reveal eight lighted candles while the whole thing begins to slowly turn clockwise.  It’s a pretty impressive birthday candle as long as you keep it away from anything flammable.  The candles burn brightly as it turns, while music similar to a music box plays “Happy Birthday.”  Everyone is awestruck and there’s lots of ooohs and ahhhhs.  Then, as the candles burn down and begin to melt the thin plastic petals it’s time to make a wish and blow out the blaze before the fire department arrives.

            Unfortunately, when we celebrated our granddaughter’s birthday in November the candle failed to play the birthday song.  It didn’t really matter because we were all impressed with the whole idea that this candle did everything but burn down the house.  A few weeks ago while the grandchildren were over, my wife decided she’d try another one of the dramatic candles for my birthday.  We all stood around with our fire extinguishers.  Again there wasn’t any music but the candle’s performance satisfied the little ones and we all went on to enjoy the cake. 

            About a half hour after everyone left to drive home we heard the faint tinny music box sound of “Happy Birthday.”  My wife had thrown the whole thing in the garbage can since once it’s used that’s the end of it.  We opened up the garbage bag and sure enough, the candle was playing that beloved birthday song, nonstop.  Since we were going to bed we figured the only way to stop it would be to cut the wires.  We did.  The music stopped but sometime during the night the candle began playing “Happy Birthday” in the garbage can even louder than it had ever played for us before.  Was there no stopping this demon made in China?  It echoed in the garbage can like an angry bagpiper in an empty room.  

            Once again the scissors were brought out and more wires were cut.  We finally killed Happy Birthday!  The candle that wouldn’t die finally gave up and quit.  Next year it’s back to just one old-fashioned regular candle and well wishes for a silent night.

Footnote:  We have one of these candles left for our grandson's birthday in a few months, but we are going to make sure that all wires are cut immediately after we celebrate.  I don't know what would have happened had we thrown our garbage down the garbage chute and the candle had  continued to play for everyone who went to drop off their garbage in the basement room.  And how long does it play if you don't cut the wires?  There's something to be said about the old fashioned wax candle that does nothing but just stand there and burn....like a candle should.